Why I feel sorry for dwarves, and hair soup

From: Owen Jones (oj@maths.anu.edu.au)
Date: Fri 30 Jan 1998 - 07:17:30 EET


Thanks to those who replied to my query about how to fix the world
machine, all of seven days (and about 20 digests) ago. The most appealing
of the dwarven viewpoints, I thought, was the "dwarves as unfortunate
dupes" viewpoints. That is, your average dwarf knows that the world macine
is broken, and that its betters are busy striving to fix it. Of course,
its betters know that there's bugger all they can do, but have too little
imagination to suffer from despair. And you never know, if they keep
fixing the little problems, then the big ones may solve themselves
someday. Meanwhile, your average dwarf is busy enough making sure its
betters are properly fed.

Regards dwarven senses, I rather liked the idea that the dwarven beard is
in fact a mass of cilia like sensory organs, all slowly waving about
despite the lack of breeze. The Uz within immediately thought of the
following delicacy:

DWARVEN HAIR SOUP: Prepare a wholesome chicken soup in the usual manner.
Then, just before serving, add the freshly cut beard of a dwarf. The hairs
should wriggle about for a good ten minutes: enough to tickle the most
hackneyed of palettes. The temperature is important though: the hotter it
is the more the hair wriggles, but it doesn't wriggle as long.

Cheers

Owen Jones

Centre for Maths and its Applications, School of Math. Sciences
Australian National University, ACT 0200
Ph +61 2 6249 2897 (office) 6249 4552 (direct) Fax +61 2 6249 4675
Web page http://wwwmaths.anu.edu.au/~oj/

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