From: Paul Reilly (paul@phyast.pitt.edu)
Date: Wed 13 Apr 1994 - 00:43:30 EEST
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Paul here.
Another writing by Finula McCaul:
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"Sir:
Herein is contained our translation of the so-called Jaxxo letters, penned by an Orlanthi spy resident at the White Bear Inn, Lindeholm Administrative District. The agent goes by the name of "Jaxxo" but as yet we have not discovered his true identity; our best guess is that he is a half-brother of the notorious Vastof 'Thunderfist' of Wintertop. The letters were intercepted and copied, as far as we know without knowledge of sender or recipient, by one of our agents in the area.
A note on the Letters: These missives were written in a strange and primitive code, with many letters written backwards or upside down, and words misspelled or misused in order to further confuse the reader. Many code words were used; we are still assigning meaning to some of these. The author occassionally switches language in mid-sentence or simply uses a single word from another language - of course our analysts were not foiled by this simple trick. However, the margins appear to be filled with some form of hieroglyphics or pictograms whose meaning we are not yet sure of; work on decoding these continues. A copy of the pictograms is included."
Annelinde's comments - "Jaxxo always writes like that."
"Their 'agent' is probably a trollkin - and I think I know which one."
"Thunderfist- The name was actually derived from his habit of insistently pounding on the trestle tops until his beer was refilled. It was his most noteworthy habit."
Jaxxo's Letter's
These letters are part of a file containing copies of letters sent by non-Lunar spies at the White Bear Inn in northern Dragon Pass. The author claimed to be a member of the Donander cult, and stayed on at the Inn as an entertainer . The nature of the code is that they are written backwards. The writing is clearly legible if held up to a mirror. This set of letter was written over the course of a year, after which no more were written.
Letter 1 Sea Season
Dear Boss,
Here is my first report on the so called White Bear Inn. It's as bad as you feared, and probably worse. I've never seen such a motley looking crew in my life, and believe me, I've been around.
They've got Lunar agents, Malkioni sorcerors, militant mercenary thugs, Praxian slave women, scuttling trollkin, giant spiders and pet demons. And that's just for starters.
Believe me boss, this place boggles the mind. They're trying to pretend that "it's just an Inn", but this place must be the central clearing house for Lunar Intelligence in the whole of the border country.
Every day somebody shows up from some strange place on a "business trip". Some of them have come a day's travel out of their way just to sample the so called "Local Hospitality". Then, often as not, they have a few drinks, go off alone with the proprietress and get pumped for information. Then money changes hands and they come back to the common room, acting like nothing happened.
I think your fears about a Lunar/Troll alliance are justified. At least a third of the "clientelle", as they call them, are trolls. Most of them stay downstairs. I tried to sneak down and spy on them, but the place was so unnaturally cold and dark that I had to return.
They're always bringing ice up from that basement. The rumour is is goes stright down to hell. That must make it real easy for them to deal with their demonic servants.
About the so called Herd Men. Some of them may be for real, but I'm sure that some of them are ensorcelled compatriots. Interrogated, tortured and humiliated, they are stripped of their reason and butchered like animals. As one was being led off for a troll feast, I swear he gave me the secret sign. I tried to respond, but he was hustled off by those surly trollkin and butchered before my eyes while I hid behind a curtain.
My disguise as a Donander cultist is working flawlessly. I juggle and do tricks in the evenings, and so far they seem inclined to let me stay. However, they are starting to lean on me to make me pay for my feed, if I don't move on soon. Lunar stinginess strikes again.
The Storm Bulls seem completely deceived, as you said, they believe that these are good Lunars. Time and time again they come in, get outfitted at no charge and then go off to face death in Snake Pipe Hollow. She even offers a bounty on Broo heads. They are so caught up in their futile attempts to clean up the Hollow that they won't even consider helping to raid enemy outposts.
I am writing this in code because the trollkin are spying on me. They think that I am writing to my mother but I will take no chances. They hover about constantly. Cleaning tables, sweeping floors, taking notes. You can hardly move without tripping over one. I have been told that they are like rats, for every one you see there are ten others hidden away, waiting for their chance to strike.
I fear for my safety if I stay too long, yet I am learning too much to leave. The ability She has to convert people to her side is nothing short of chaotic. Rumours says that She is a vampire and I think it must be true as I never see her(the proprietress) during the day. When I ask they say that she is doing accounts, or inventory, or resting. I bet.
I fear this to be a nest of riddlers and pray that Orlanth will protect me. Of all the local populous, only the Earth Temple has remained uncorrupted. All the rest have sold their integrity for some casual comforts and cheap beer.
Loyally Yours, Jaxxo
Letter 2 Early Fire Season
The Storm Bulls figured out about me and Eurmal. I just couldn't resist that hot foot any longer. In a way it's a relief to get it out of my system. They have threatened to take me up to Snake Pipe Hollow and use me for bait. Very funny. I think it's a joke.
I have been forced to start paying for room and board but my routine is good enough that I am still making some clacks. You know, they make some really good beer here. The bartender is a Storm Bull with a funny accent. At least he claims to be a Bull. I'm still suspicious of anyone who hangs around with a rat.
That Shadow Cat you mentioned is the real thing, though kind of weird looking. I suspect it has been mutated by bizarre Lunar magics. It seems to have it out for rats, and sometimes brings them into the bar to torture in front of an audience. The bartender says she's trying to get them to talk. And they say I have strange habits! His pal always make scarce when the cats around, and I may too. I don't like the way it stares at me when I shuffle cards.
The game's man they've got here is definitely a Holy Country spy. It's pathetic the way he huddles next to the cook fire in the middle of the summer. He's a real pro, though. I still haven't been able to figure out how he's cheating at those games he's got; but he wins too often for it to be luck.
One of those trollkin seems to have it out for me. It is the offspring of one of the senior ones, but it's way too big and has too many teeth. It even comes out during the day. I often catch it watching me with that hungry grin. That's when it isn't hanging around with that bear kid. That trollkin reminds me of pig farm stories. I think that if I fell and didn't get up real fast, it would be curtains for me.
About the bear kid. He isn't actually the proprietresses son, he just acts like it. I finally found out the real story and it made me want to run. It seems the kid's father was a were bear on the rampage, and old Annelinde here fought him, beat him, and persuaded him to go visit Ikadz in Hell! I want out of here before she decides to persuade me into something!
Please send my relief soon, Jaxxo
Letter 3 Mid- Fire Season
The Storm Bulls are really OK. They gave me a fist full of silver after I made that sage believe that a bar stool was his girlfriend! What a riot. I'm gonna get fat if I stay here much longer.
Those mercenaries-This includes the Senechal Dale- seem to belong to some fanatical anti-chaos cult from the North. I have seen them palling around with both Bulls and Zoranis. They bring in more broo heads than anyone. They have intimated to me that they are waiting for these Lunar scum to overreach themselves. It seems that with the Bulls around, the Lunars haven't used their chaotic powers at all. That's why these fanatics haven't acted against them.
They remind me of certain people. They're willing to get rich on the enemies money while they're getting ready to strike. Eventually.
I don't think your info on their sorceror is accurate. I don't see how anybody who spends so much time painting flowers could be that dangerous. He won't even punish his pet trollkin when it eats his paints.
The rest of that band are scary enough, though. They had too much to drink last night and I had a chance to eavesdrop. Remember that raiding party that went out from Wintertop last Storm Season? They killed them. All. It seems that one of the Adventurous types went into the Foul Slime routine and those guys just went berserk and killed them all. I think I recognize a couple of horses in the stable as some of ours. As for the bodies; I now think I know what they feed to their Troll guests in the basement. With herd men around. It's the perfect cover. I'm starting to get confused by this place. I want to go home before it's too late.
Jaxxo
Letter 4 Earth Season
Guess what, She's not a Vampire after all! I was examining the ripe oranges in that glass building they have; looking for evidence of chaos or other unnatural activity, and guess what! In comes Herself and that swarm of children she has, to take a bath in that big decadent tiled pool they have in there. As this was the middle of the day, with the sun shining down and everything, I supppose she's not a Vampire after all. She just stays out of the sun because Her skin's so white.
I decided to find out just how white it actually was after I saw signs of disrobing. After all, there were still all those rumours about her being a bear, or a troll, or something. It was my duty to learn the truth, however dangerous it might be to my person. It was the best opportunity I'd had yet, as for once those uppity trollkin weren't hanging around.
I was just getting ready to get wet myself, when who saunters in but the foppish husband with his junior lackeys. He calls them Squires. He made them inflate a bunch of those air filled balls the Esrolians make out of giant fish bladders. Then he made them tie them together in bunches. Then they threw them in the pool and jumped in after.
As you know, a bladder filled with air will always float, thus proving Orlanth's elemental victory over water. Here I found evidence that the vile Lunars were corrupting even Orlanth's own breath for their vile purposes.
They used the bladders as rafts to support themselves, and carried out practice attacks in the water. The children(except for the real small one), took the part of enemies and attacked them underwater. I'm sure it would have been great fun if it weren't so evil.
I figured they were too distracted to notice me so I decided to pursue my investigation, despite the obvious danger. Unfortunately, I slipped on a strigil someone had left lying around, tripped dramatically, and fell head first into the pool, clothes and all. Fortunately I landed on Annelinde and took the chance for some hands on investigation. Unfortunately, her husband took offense. Fortunately, he was unarmed. Unfortunately, it didn't stop him from holding me underwater until I almost drowned.
He had entirely too much fun pumping the water out of my lungs afterwards. And can you believe it! He made the whole thing look like an accident in front of his wife! Maybe I shouldn't have composed that Limerick about him, but who'd have expected it?
Eventually they were laughing so hard at my sad plight that I managed to crawl away to compose this letter. I'll tell you what, though, it was worth it. She sure felt human to me. She charges most people 8 wheels for that.
I shall continue in my duty to Orlanth. By the way, I have made a contact who promises to expose me to the dark truth about the Lunar/Vampire alliance. I hope to meet with her soon.
Letter five 2 weeks later
(This paragraph scratched out and written over)
I just got a message from my contact. She's waiting for me outside where no one will see us. I peeped out the window. What a babe. Once I turn on the old charm, she'll be putty in my hands. Maybe I'll get some hard evidence.
Nothing much going on tonight. I scoped out the area looking for evil deeds, but all I saw were trollkin hunting mice. Must have watched them longer than I thought, it is nearly dawn. Boy am I tired- More later.
I must have a cold, I've felt tired all week. Or else it's those insect bites. I have the feeling I'm being watched by something outside, but when I go to check I never find anything. I've got this craving for liver spinach salad. Maybe I've been drinking too much.
I have seen many different spies come in here. The general reaction is for people to make fun of them. Only I have remained undetected. I can tell, because all spies are forced to by a round of drinks for the House every night. I think I'll go to sleep early.
Letter 6 End of Earth Season
The Praxian cook is back and all of a sudden everything's got garlic in it. I was never a big garlic man before, but it sure seems to be doing the trick for me now. I feel better than I have in weeks. Annelinde Herself suggested that the garlic soup was an old remedy that should cure my problem. What a thoughtful babe. I hear she turns into a sex fiend during fertility week. Don't you dare call me back before then.
I tried to examine the underground maze where the trollkin conspire, but it was hopeless. Sure, I was able to get past the poisoned spears, the pit traps, and the guards; but once I got in I got lost. It's Dark in there! I was almost eaten by those giant insects. I barely escaped with my life.
I'm starting to get the hang of troll humour. It's actually quite complicated, so I won't try to explain it in detail. It basically goes like this. There are two kinds. 1) Somebody gets a part eaten off him. 2) Somebody tries to eat something he can't. Get the picture?
I decided to try my hand at this new venue and was a great success. I found the best thing was to make sure that there wasn't enough food. Without fail somebody gets their hand bit off. Switching rocks for vegetables is good too. It gives them indigestion.
The absolute best was when I put an iron nail in a rat and put it where one would eat it. He was OK for about an hour. Then the heartburn hit. They actually had to cut him open and stuff him full of ice. After they were done laughing, that is. It was hysterical. I think this might be a good strategy next time we have to fight trolls.
Letter 7 Beginning of Dark Season
I got dragged off to Snake Pipe Hollow by the Bulls. Nothing happened and they said it was all my fault. They said they would never let me come on a chaos fighting trip again as I was a jinx. Hooray!!!
I added some giant insects to my act and everybody loves me. They've even offered me a regular spot on the entertainment schedule. Right after The Amazing Clairvoyant Trollkin and before Trollkin Puppet Theater.
The new routine goes like this. There's me and this giant insect. They call it a Ham Beetle. I dress the beetle up as a person. What kind of person varies from day to day, but the most popular version is me in drag and the beetle in diapers and a bib.
The storyline is blind old woman misplaces child and thinks beetle is it. Dresses it up and takes it for a walk, chattering away. Eventually she looses it and sends the posse out looking for it. Trolls find and eat the beetle(guest interaction here), and posse is left bewildered.
It's great. The trollkin and local children all take parts. Even children have money here.
Another routine is the one where I dress a trollkin as my idiot brother, or a dog, and try to get it to do tricks. The last trick is, of course, get eaten. It is a laugh riot.
Lunar soldiers have been showing up and hanging around here for a while. Especially that female surveyor with all the lace. Woo! Woo! The Bulls don't seem to mind the Lunar soldiers, some of whom tell stories about fighting chaos.
Some of these guys are even Sartarite! I met one whose related to my third cousin Jack on my mother's side. Small world. Their generous with their money, too. If my luck keeps up maybe I can buy me one of those Herd Women they keep here. Sounds like the perfect woman for me.
Letter 8 End of Dark Season
What's the big idea, ordering me back immediately! I'm not going! I told you about Fertility week, and I put a down payment on that cow.
I have not been corrupted by evil Lunar wiles; I should be so lucky.
know what? Come to think of it, I don't think I'm ever coming back! This place suits me fine. I've finally met people who appreciate my talents. Your probably just jealous. Mom always did like me better.
I think I'll just take that job offer and stay on here. The money sure looks good to me. Almost as good as the food and the women. You can keep on sleeping out in the cold and wet if you want.
Don't even think about coming and grabbing me. I disappear; and some very incriminating info is going to surface. So don't even think about it.
I think I'll add a trollkin to my act, and dress him in blue. What do you think of that!
I don't expect to be writing any more of these letters now that I have a real job. So I'll just say goodbye and good riddance. It took the Lunars to make me realize what a stuffed shirt you are.
Your Brother, Jaxxo
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