From: Joerg Baumgartner (rq4@sartar.toppoint.de)
Date: Thu 03 Feb 1994 - 13:10:16 EET
My edits on Olivers ad:
> - Probe the forbidden secrets of the God Learners.
Cut this, this ought not be encouraged, and outsiders don't know about
GLs anyway. Maybe keep the forbidden secrets somewhere else.
1.
> Forget realms best forgotten, run from the shadows, leave
> the masquerade behind...Glorantha's back. In 1978, RuneQuest
> took the gaming world by storm, setting the standard for
> what roleplaying games would become. In 1994, Adventures
> in Glorantha will do it again.
2.
> Adventures in Glorantha is the perfect introduction to
> roleplaying. It tells you what a fantasy roleplaying game
> is, how to create an adventurer, and provides you with the
> detailed mechanics and comprehensive background material
> needed to begin play in Greg Stafford's magical world of
> Glorantha. The game provides everything you need to begin
> your adventures in Glorantha with this game of epic storytelling.
I'd say 1. and 2. are mutually exclusive in whom they address. 1. is
good for expert gaming mags, while 2. is addressed to newcomers, who
probably wouldn't have read this far. Put 2. in computer magazines etc,
and get 1. into White Wolf and similar.
> For the advanced player, Adventures in Glorantha provides
^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^
I don't like the sound of this. This seems to exclude newcomers.
How about: "To explore the depths of the world, AiG provides ..."
> innovative rules and comprehensive background material,
> and the best developed game world in existence, Glorantha,
^^^^
You don't get the job as second best fighter in town, but there exist
about half a dozen of worlds with as extensive description, and about as
much depth. E.g. Middle-Earth, Harn, Tekumel. Insert "one of"?
> a world in which creation has not stopped. It allows you
> enter a world unlike any other, where you can learn the
^^^^^^ ^^^ ^^^^^
Stress this?
> inner mysteries of the gods and venture on unexplored paths
> of mythic reality.
Huh? I had to read this twice over, to really understand it, and not
because I am no native speaker of English. And I think I know RQ and
Glorantha...
> Glorantha is a world of magic and magicians, where anyone can
> learn to use magic.
This is important, because this is what makes the system different from
the class oriented rpgs the vast majority plays (yes, AD&D).
> You can call on the gods to become their avatar
> to defeat your foes...but at what cost?
I am familiar with the word "avatar". Is the teenage college boy, too?
> Crisis is at hand - it the time of the Hero Wars, where the forces
> of the Lunar Empire will confront an uneasy alliance of foes.
> Benevolent missionaries, well meaning officials, homesick
> soldiers...these are the bad guys? Barbaric warriors, savage
> beast riders, dangerous rebels...these are the good guys?
I like this paragraph! It catches most of the feeling the Dragon Pass
region offers.
> First there came the renaissance, now is the time for the reformation.
Cut this.
> Leave the mundane world behind and begin your adventures in Glorantha.
Ok, so how do the graphics look?
A glimpse at the map, and maybe the helmeted heads of a Lunar officer
(Fazzur?) and a Sartarite rebel (Starbrow?)? Include a female element,
maybe it works to attract some females to rpgs and RQ in special.
> And, for your entertainment, some of the ones that didn't make it past
> the first cut <g>:
Rightly so. <g>
Loren's rephrasing:
> Here's how I'd reword your copy.
> RuneQuest: Adventures in Glorantha
> A game of epic roleplaying
> Glorantha is back! One of the first and most complete fantasy
> roleplaying game worlds has been updated and expanded for today's
> roleplaying audience.
> In Dragon Pass slumber dragons and giants that are so huge they are
> mistaken for mountains and hills. Foul broos and hungry trolls skulk
> through the hills, hunting farmers on their steads, and in Boldhome
> rebels plan bold strokes against the encroaching Empire.
> - Walk through a land of myth, armed and armored with
> the bones of the gods.
> - Search out arcane, ancient magics
> - Probe forbidden secrets
> - Bring Lunar civilization to the savage Orlanthi hill tribes
> or save your people from the decadent, chaos-embracing Lunar
> Empire.
Better.
> In 1978, the first edition of RuneQuest set the standard for roleplaying
> games that would follow. With the world of Glorantha, RuneQuest brought
> roleplayers out of the dungeon and into an entire world brimming with
> adventure, romance, tragedy, and slapstick comedy.[CR] This new edition of
> RuneQuest continues the evolution of the game system, making it even
> easier to use Glorantha as a roleplaying setting and remaining
> consistent with the previous rules so that if you have old RuneQuest
> materials you can continue to use them with this new edition of the
> rules. [CR] If you have already been introduced to RuneQuest and Glorantha,
> this new edition will bring you to a new level of understanding. [CR] If you
> have never seen Glorantha, then within these pages you will discover a
> rich, satisfying setting with terrifying monsters, cruel enemies,
> generous friends, and the greatest scenery in the universe.
Good text, but too long in one paragraph. Note the inserted [CR]
> Adventures in Glorantha is the perfect introduction to roleplaying. It
> tells you what a fantasy roleplaying game is, how to create an
> adventurer, and provides you with the detailed mechanics and
> comprehensive background material needed to begin play in the magical
> world of Glorantha, which Greg Stafford began to write about in 1965.
> The game provides everything you need to begin your adventures in
> Glorantha with this game of epic storytelling.
cut for gaming mags, keep in some form for non-gamer targeting
> For the advanced player, [...]
see above
> Glorantha is a world of magic and magicians, where anyone can learn to
> use magic. You can call on the gods to become their avatar to defeat
> your foes... but Divine Intervention has a high price.
better, but see above
> Crisis is at hand - it is the time of the Hero Wars, where the forces of
> the Lunar Empire will confront an uneasy alliance of foes. Benevolent
> missionaries, well meaning officials, homesick soldiers... these are the
> Lunar invaders. Barbaric warriors, savage beast riders, dangerous
> rebels...these are the Orlanthi tribes defending their homes. Your
> character can help decide who wins and what is the future course of the
> world.
I liked Oliver's version of this better. Combine?
David Dunham:
>>RuneQuest: Adventures in Glorantha
>>A game of epic roleplaying
> The game of mythic roleplaying
^^^
> [this is the High Concept, what RQ delivers that no one else does]
Yes
>>Forget realms best forgotten, [...]
> Sounds negative. And your new buyers won't know where Glorantha went
> (whatever Glorantha is).
Yes
>>provides you with the detailed mechanics
> Don't use the gamespeak term "mechanics"
Rules? doesn't sound better to me.
>>For the advanced player, Adventures in Glorantha provides
> Is this for beginners or advanced players? You're mixing your message. (And
> if you must leave something like this in, use a term other than "advanced;"
> perhaps "mature" or "experienced?")
Yes.
> [Later] you've got too much detail about Glorantha. Why not just say
> something about "a magic land where even farmers cast spells" and "where
> your adventurer can walk into the myths that made the land." Remember, the
> high concept is MYTH, not Epic (RQ is epic only in the time needed to play
> a combat; Pendragon is better for epics because it better portrays epic
> scope).
I disagree. If Glorantha is the focus, then the ad needs to stress that.
Else: why is Glorantha the focus?
> I like Loren's version better (except the last 3 paragraphs should probably
> go away). It emphasizes people and story, rather that setting. Is he really
> a marketing student or what?
I'd go for a compromise. And: marketing comes with selling a product...
-- Joerg Baumgartner rq4@sartar.toppoint.de 0,,
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